


somewhere along in the bitterness

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-05-24
Packaged: 2018-01-26 08:15:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1681241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm afraid Mister Styles was involved in a head-on collision with another vehicle not far from his friend, Edward Sheeran's house. He sustained numerous head, spinal and internal organ damage and is in a critical condition." Amanda's solemn voice rings. My mind goes blank and my body freezes.</p><p>~~OR~~<br/>louis is going to propose but harry gets involved in a car crash</p><p>Title is from: 'How To Save A Life' by The Fray</p>
            </blockquote>





	somewhere along in the bitterness

**Author's Note:**

> *WARNING: I am not a doctor/ medical professional so I am unaware of surgery and recovery times.*  
> P.S This is written in Louis' P.O.V

I've been planning it for months. I gonna propose to Harry. I have it all planned out. I have enlisted the help of my sister, Lottie. She has helped me all day. Placing candles and rose petals all around the house. White roses of course. I still remember Harry's words from ages ago, 'If you buy me red roses, I will cry. They are so cliché and tacky.' I smile only to get slapped by Lottie.  
"Focus, asshat." She scolds.  
I've also been talking to the other lads and my family too. Just getting their assurance for my decision. My mum cried, Niall screamed for joy, Liam crushed me in a bear hug and Zayn was more chill. He has already proposed to Perrie so he knows how stressful it is but the big milestone was asking Harry's parents for their blessing. I was shaking with nerves. I drove up, knocked on the door and greeted them. Anne asked where Harry was and I said he wasn't here. She gave me an eyebrow raise. I said that I want to marry her son. She, well, she hugged me, nodded, screamed yes and smiled widely. She then went on about how great I am for Harry, how our relationship is perfect and why we belong together. My cheeks had never been so red. Then Robin came in and asked about all the fuss. I explain and he smiled, shook my hand and said I am a good lad. My heart warms just thinking about it. I hear the jingle of my phone and pull it out of my pocket. It reads a message from 'Hazzabear' with a banana emoji. I click it and it says, 'Home in 10. Be home soon. Love you. xx' I reply with shaky hands, 'Awesome. Love you more xxxx'  
"He's on his way. Out you go." I turn to Lottie and say.  
"Good luck big bro. Love you lots." She smiles, embracing me tightly. She walks out and to her car. I pull my phone and text Liam's number. 'Mate, what if he says no. What if he isn't ready?' I shake from nerves and anxiety until Liam replies moments later. 'Dude, he loves you a heck of a lot. He will say yes in a heartbeat. He looks at you the way Zayn looks at Perrie. If he says no then I will bash him." I laugh lightly. 'I would still like him in one piece even if he turns me down, thanks Hulk.' 'You're rude :P good luck bro.' I put my phone away and grab the small box in my pocket. I open it up. The ring inside is special. A gold band with a diamond and some engravement that I did myself which reads 'L + H forever'. I close the box and slide it back into my pocket. I stare at the clock. 3:24 pm. He will be home in 6 minutes. This will be the longest 6 minutes of my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

40 minutes later, my leg is shaking because Harry's hasn't arrived and no texts from him either. I am thinking positive. Maybe it's just the traffic or Ed caught him up. I've sent him texts to him but like I said, no replies. Then the house phone goes off. I sprint to the device and pick it up, not bothering to look at the I.D.  
"Hullo?" I ask.  
"Hello, is Mr Louis Tomlinson there?" A posh, authoritative voice replies.  
"This is Louis speaking."  
"This is Amanda from the St Andrews Hospital. You have been listed as an emergency contact for Mr Harold Edward Styles, correct?" She questions. Panic rushes through me.  
"Yeah, what happened to Harry?" I nervously ask.  
"I'm afraid Mister Styles was involved in a head-on collision with another vehicle not far from his friend, Edward Sheeran's house. He sustained numerous head, spinal and internal organ damage and is in a critical condition." Amanda's solemn voice rings. My mind goes blank and my body freezes.  
"I'll be there in 10 minutes." I shout into the phone as I throw it back onto the dock. I grabs some Vans, chuck them on and race out the door with keys and phone in hand. I jump into my car and speed to the hospital. I weave my way around the traffic and pull into the car park. Sprinting, I fly through the front door and to the front desk.  
"Louis Tomlinson, here for Harry Styles." I pant.  
"Mister Styles is in surgery at the moment. I am gonna need you to wait in the waiting room." Amanda's voice sings of sadness. I slump into the nearest chair and pull my phone out. I open the group chat of all the lads and type, 'Haz is in Hospital. Come now, St Andrews. No questions, tell NO-ONE!' I lock my phone and look around the room, my mind filled with thought. ' _Will he make it?_ ' ' _What if he doesn't make it?_ ' ' _What will happen to me, the band?_ ' ' _How did this even happen on today of all days?_ '

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up with a flurry of blonde, brown and black hair surrounding me.  
"Lou, you're awake." Zayn gasps.  
"Where is Harry? How is he doing? How long have I been asleep?" I ask hurriedly. I need to know what the fuck is happening.  
"Lou, Haz is out of surgery but he is on life support. He got out about 30 minutes ago. You have been asleep for like 2 hours." Niall reply. I jump up, my mouth open in shock.  
"He has been out for 30 minutes and none of you bastards bothered to wake me? What the actual fuck guys?!?" I shout, my voice straining.  
"Mate, we just wanted you to be fully rested." Liam piped in.  
"I don't give a flying _fuck_ if I'm tired! My fucking boyfriend is on life support! He needs me and I need him!" I scream, causing people around me to murmur.  
"What room?" I pant.  
"Lou, you should calm down first." Niall replies nervously.  
" **WHAT IS HIS FUCKING ROOM NUMBER???** " I shriek at him.  
"Room 164. Down the corridor and to the right." He squeaks and I set off immediately. I can hear the pounding footsteps of the boys on the lino floor but I ignore them. I have to get to Harry. I run past the rooms. 160, 162, 164. Here he is. I exhale deeply and push the doors open. My eyes water and the oxygen gets caught in my throat as I take in the sight of my boyfriend. He is paler than ice, numerous scars lay across his lanky body with many tubes connecting him to many machines.  
"Oh my god..." I stutter as I tumble towards him and the doctor.  
"Hello Mr Tomlinson, nice to see you." The Doctor says grimly.  
"Hello. I...i'm speechless." I stammer. The Doctor, Fiona, nods.  
"As you can see, Harry is in a stable but very critical condition. By the heart monitor over there, you can see his steady beat but he is yet to open his eyes. He should in the next 72 hours though. I'll leave you for some alone time. You can talk to him. I think but I'm not 100% sure that he can hear you. Just one thing," Fiona instructs.  
"Yeah?" I say, my eyes glued to Harry's limp body.  
"We need to shave his head for better access to his brain. He recorded some damage in that location. Is that okay?" She asks curiously. My Hazza will lose his curls. His beautiful, fluffy, brown curls that are basically his trade mark. He will look no less beautiful to me. I nod and the nurse leaves the dull room. I pull up a seat beside him and grasp his cool hand. I knot my fingers with his but his only dangle helplessly. I swallow the lump in my throat and start talking.  
"Hey Hazza. I miss you so much. You were supposed to come home today. But you didn't. You scared me Haz. I had something special for us. I won't tell you in case you can actually hear me." I trace my fingers through his hair and chuckle wetly, "You have so many tubes, scars and bruises everywhere. But you still look stunning to me. You always looks amazing. Also, they are gonna shave your head. I can't imagine you without your curls. You always used to say that your curlies get the girles. I would get so jealous for some reason. I remember everything about you. From X-Factor to now. I fell in love with you the second I saw your curls, dimples and bright green eyes. We connected instantly and I knew we would be more than friends.' I sniffle and cough. My emotions running wild. 'You honestly don't know how much I love and need you. I need you to look after me whilst I look after you. I need you to stay strong during your surgery and come back alive. Please baby, don't do it just for me. Do it for the boys. Do it for the fans. Do it for our families. Do it for anyone but just stay with me. Please. Please.' I end with my voice cracking. I bury my face in my hands with tears streaming down my face. I hear a sob that didn't come from me at the door way. I turn to see that it was Niall, sobbing hysterically into Liam's chest. Zayn walks over to me and wraps a hand around my shoulder.  
"You really love him don't you?" He smiles sadly.  
"Of course I do. He is my soulmate. I love him to the moon and back. I love him from the bottom of my heart and all those other cheesy lines. I love him so fucking much." I cry, burying my head into his neck. I hear Zayn sigh sympathetically and he rubs my shoulder as I soak his T-Shirt. Our sob-fest was interrupted by a knock at the door. I turn my head to see Fiona, this time in an apron, gloves and a mask over her mouth.  
"Sorry boys but it is time for Harry's brain surgery. I'm gonna have to take him off you." Her voice muffled but you could hear the pain in her voice. I nod and look from Harry to the floor to Fiona. I kiss his hand before dropping it and kissing his forehead and lips.  
"Stay strong babe." I whisper as I stand to get out of the way of the entourage of doctors who are wheeling Harry to the surgery room. I feel a wave of emotion wash over me again before I start hysterically crying.  
"Lou, hon, you need to calm down." Liam soothes.  
"How can I be calm when my fucking love of my life is on the verge of death?" I sob. This time Niall embraces me tightly. I feel his warm arms tighten around me. Liam seems at a loss for words as does Zayn. We walk down the white hallway and to the main lobby were there are only 2 people in there.  
"Excuse me boys but the paps seem to be outside the hospital. I am gonna have to ask you to leave. I called your security so they are waiting over there for you." The receptionist Betty says. We nod and walk solemnly to Paul. He looks upset but he has a stern look.  
"Okay plan, I am gonna lead you out. The order is Zayn and Liam then Niall and Louis. Lou, just try to keep hidden. Niall, try to cover him as much as possible." Paul sets and we all nod. We walk to front door and Paul pushes it open. We are met by flashing white lights, loud men and screaming girls. I duck and Niall covers me. Questions fly from everywhere. Mostly relating to Harry. I jump into the van. Thank God for it's dark windows. I hear the engine jerk as we drive away. There is silence in the cab as we drive to our destination. My sniffles are the only things that make sound.  
"Where are we going?" Liam breaks the silence.  
"Louis' house. It has room for all of you and it is the closest to the hospital. Is that okay?" Paul announces.  
"Sure. Liam, you can share with Niall. Paul, you can have the couch. Zayn, you can sleep with me or in the room next to it. Whatever floats your boat." I tiredly snuffle. They all murmur agreement before the van stops. We hop out and I grab my keys. With a shaky hand I attempt to open the door but I am shaking too much. Zayn has to grasp my wrist to stop my vicious shaking. Once we get inside, I immediately walk to Haz and I's shared room. More tears well in my eyes. It smells like him, it even looks like he tidied it before he left. There is a lavender sweater on the floor and I grasp it in my small hands. I inhale the scent and collapse on the bed. Exhaustion taking my body for the night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can't sleep at all. My mind is plagued by bad thoughts of Harry. No matter how hard I try, these nightmares won't go away. I sit up, shaking and staring into the darkness of the night. I look to my alarm clock. It read 3:27 am. Fan- _fucking_ -tastic. I need some water. I get up, crawl out of bed and trudge to the kitchen. I reach the kitchen to seen a small light illuminated on the patio. I squint my eyes to see it is Zayn having a late night smoke. I should see whats up with him. Gripping my water, I slump across the room and open the door.  
Zayn turns around and smiles serenely at me.  
"Hey mate, what's up?"  
"I was about to ask you that. Why you havin a late night fag?" I reply, closing the door.  
"'M stressed mate. Just can't think straight y'know? What about you?" Zayn shrugs.  
"This is gonna seem childish but nightmares. Yesterday was meant to be the happiest day of our lives and we spent the night in the hospital. I love him so much Zayn. It hurts me to know he is in pain." I sigh. Zayn wraps an arm over my shoulder.  
"I know mate. He loves you a shit ton too. He will survive. He is strong. He is a fighter." Zayn reassures me.  
"But what if he doesn't make it? I will be alone forever. I won't be able to love anyone else. He has my heart, my soul and my mind." I boldly state.  
"Wow, that's powerful mate. I don't know what to say. Actually, one thing. Think positive." He smirks as he walks back into the house, leaving me in the cold London air. Fucking Zayn and his mysterious, philosophical nature. I swear it is the drugs in those cigarettes. I huff and turn back into my house. Straight to my room. I collapse on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I need sleep but I can't sleep. _Fucking hell_. What did Zayn mean when he said think positive? Does he expect me to think about puppies and unicorns and rainbows? Well, if he does, than he is fucking wrong.  
"I mean like Harry surviving, you numb nut! Now fucking sleep!" I hear Zayn shout from next door. Damn, I've been thinking aloud again. Well, may as well give it a shot. I crawl under the sheet and roll onto my side of the bed. I grab Harry's pillow and snuggle into it. Maybe this will work. Fuck Zayn and his positive thoughts!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lou? Louis? Louis Tomlinson, get your fat ass up!" I hear a stern voice shouting at me. I slowly open my eyes to see it is Liam staring at me.  
"What the fuck mate?" I say.  
"We got a call from the hospital. They didn't say anything but that we have to be there by 9:30 am. It is 9 right now. I need to get ready in 15 minutes so we can drive off before 9:15. Can you do that mate?" Liam's soft voice replies. I nod sheepishly and stretch my limbs. He leaves the room and I stand up, shedding my old clothes from yesterday. Walking to the cupboard, I spot a lavender sweater. Harry's lavender sweater. I pick it up and pull it over myself. I snatch a pair of black jeans, white vans and a brown beanie. I am too fucking bored to do my hair properly. I yank my jeans up, slip on the shoes and jam the beanie onto my head. Trudging to the kitchen, I am greeted by some solemn faces. Liam is holding an apple out for me, Zayn and Paul are talking to each other and Niall is staring at his phone.  
"Guys, Twitter is a fucking mess. We have the top 5 worldwide trends." Niall remarks.  
"What are they?" Zayn asks.  
"#WheresHarry, #PrayForHarry, #StayStrong1D, #WeLoveHarry and number one is #StayStrongLouisHarryLovesYou." Niall sadly finishes. I smile small. Our Larry Shippers are amazing.  
"That's sweet." Liam coos.  
"Let's go lads. We've got 5 minutes." Paul states, looking at his watch. I sigh and attempt to place my uneaten apple back in the fruit bowl only to receive a glare from Liam. God damn you Liam.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ride there is silent but not uncomfortable. There is a small mass of people outside. Presumably fans. It sounds like they are chanting something. It sounds like Harry's name. We walk out and I figure out that it is not 'Harry', they are chanting but 'Larry.' I smile as I am pushed into the hospital. I run to the desk.  
"Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Zayn Malik and Paul Higgins. Here for Harry Styles." I say to Betty.  
"Room 76. Down the left hallway. Should be on the right side." She reads of the paper in front of her. I thank her and set off. At least he has been moved from the very critical ward to the stable but impaired ward. That last part scares me a little. Okay, maybe a lot. 60, 64, 68, 72, _ah_ 76\. Here he is. This feels like déjà-vu. I actually feel very faint. I push the door open and all I remember is a bright light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am woken by a deep voice calling my name. A deep voice that is very familiar. It's Harry's deep voice! My eyes fly open and I am met by a bright smile. It's got dimples, straight teeth and everything. I look further up his face. His right eye is glassy and his head is bald with stitches in it. It's my Harry.  
"Haz, babe. You're back! You're alive!" I shout excitedly.  
"Yeah I am Lou! I'm here. I've missed you so much." He shouts back. A sudden rush of anger floods over me.  
"How dare you fucking scare me like that? What the fuck were you thinking?!? I had something special planned for us and then you went and fucked it up! Fuck you Harry Styles!" I scream before clamping my hands over my mouth. Did I really just scream at him? He just recovered from probably the fight of his life and just yell in his face. What the fuck is wrong with me? I look at his face, he looks on the verge of tears. It is enough for me to cry and fall back into the chair. How could I be so inconsiderate? Why are my emotions taking over me? What the fuck is wrong with me?  
"Oh baby, don't cry. I deserve to be yelled at." Harry sniffles at me.  
"No you shouldn't. You just recovered from the fight of your life and I...I just screamed at you for no reason. I'm a horrible boyfriend. Fuck me." I sob. I hear Harry snuffle and shift in his bed.  
"Louis, I am the one who caused all this shit. I am the reason why you are a mess. I am the reason we have the top 5 trends of Twitter for the past 2 days." Harry soothes. Wait, how did he know about Twitter?  
"Hold the phone, who says anything to you about the trends?" I question, cocking an eyebrow. I hear him curse and see his cheeks blush a little.  
"Niall did, like 30 minutes while you were still unconscious." He replies. I nod.  
We lock eyes and just look at each other. Making up for our lost 48+ hours of pain, tears and suffering. Even though he is bald, glassy in one eye and attached to many machines, I still think he is the most gorgeous person that I have ever met.  
"So, what is gonna happen now? Have the doctors told you anything?" I ask, breaking the silence.  
"Well, I am blind in my right eye, have a broken left arm and two broken legs. They will have to teach me how to walk again. I am to stay in hospital for a few more weeks. That's about it." He recalls.  
"They haven't said anything about your head?" I scoff.  
"What's wrong with my head?" Harry asks quietly, placing a hand on his head before gasping. "I...i...i'm bald!" He stutters. I nod slowly before he pouts. I wrap my arms around him and hum. He has always been soothed by humming. I link our fingers and he smiles at me.  
"I am so sorry for causing you all this pain. All I remember is these two bright lights before everything went black. I can't imagine how much suffering you went through. I am so sorry Lou." He apologises.  
"Don't apologise babe. It's not your fault. What has happened has happened. Let it go and let's move forwards." I sigh, rubbing our conjoined hands with my thumb.  
"It is what it is." He smiles back. God, he thinks he is smart and witty. I hear the door open and the rest of the gang file in. Zayn, Paul, Liam and Niall crowd around us.  
"You good Harry? Feel alright?" Niall asks, taking a seat beside me.  
"Yeah, all good. 'S nice to have the gang back together." Harry smiled broadly. Niall 'aww's and hugs him.  
"C'mon lads, let's get a pic so Twitter can stop melting down." Paul says. We all crowd around Haz and I make the executive decision to kiss his cheek. Liam catches on and kisses his other cheek. Niall and Zayn kiss his temples. I can feel Harry blush as Paul snaps the picture.  
"Caption?" He asks.  
"Love is all around." Harry suggests. We all nod and Paul types.  
"How many days do you have to stay in this white prison?" Zayn asks, earning chuckles from us.  
"A week or so. Depends on how long it takes for me to heal enough to take on the outside world." Harry shrugs. I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn and see that it is Niall. He looks at me and points to the door. I get the hint and stand up.  
"I'll be back babe." I soothe Harry as he looks at me like a stunned mullet. He nods and releases my hand. Niall ushers me out and thrusts something in my hand. It is a small box. My box for the proposal that never happened.  
"It's now or never. Do it mate." Niall pipes up before pushing me back in. I stumble a bit but regain my composure.  
"What was that about?" Harry asks but I hush him.  
"Harry Edward Styles, I have known you since you were 16. I first saw you at the first auditions in the bathroom. I flirted horribly and managed on get an autograph. Little did I know that you put your phone number on it too. Maybe it was luck or maybe fate but we ended up in the same group. I felt drawn to you. Like a moth to a flame. You were so young, innocent and cute. I fell in love right away. We fell into a great friendship but we both knew we like each other more. I don't know why it took us til the Leeds Festival to actually admit our feelings but that tent holds some amazing memories. Then we told the lads. They accepted us with open arms and I felt like nothing could stop us. Boy, was I wrong! Modest! didn't like it. Then Eleanor came into the picture. She was a lovely, sweet girl but she wasn't you. She didn't have your curly hair, green eyes, dimples or charming personality. Since then, I have struggled to keep up this façade. I tried to think of reasons why I should continue. I thought of our shippers, our families but mostly you. You are my reason. You are my life, my voice and my reason to be. Yes, I just quoted one of our songs but it fits. I love you so much. I've watched you grow from that small, innocent 16 year old to that cocky, smart 18 year old to my strong, brave man I know today. You had to put up with all the fake relationships, the media and the attention. You are so resilient, so true to yourself and so down-to-earth. You are the type of person I want to wake up to every morning. You are the type of person who can put up with my messiness, sassiness and moodiness. You are the person I want to grow old with. So, with that said. Harry, will you marry me?" I drop to one knee as his eyes widen and his jaw drops. He nods and I sigh with relief. I slid the ring on his shaky hand and embrace him tightly. I pull back, wipe a stray tear off his face and smile.  
"I love you so much. You're fucking amazing." Harry sniffles. I've finally done it. I have proposed to the love of my life. No matter how bald, how blind or how impaired he is, he will always be perfect to me.

-FIN-

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I've been in a sad mood lately. Don't judge me.
> 
> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RachLoves1D5SOS) or on [Tumblr](https://lush-in-larry-and-clifford.tumblr.com)


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